robots

VENT:

it's weird, trying to be friends with someone who is completely and utterly obsessed with your ex-boyfriend.

i've always had the mindset "keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer". but i was simply trying to give her a chance. see what maybe my ex might one day see in her, try to LIKE her.

that didn't work.

i hate trying to like someone, only to find out they have absolutely no personality, are robots, ass kissing, lifeless, lying robots.

what a shame. it's easy to quickly judge someone in a negative way, but then be proved wrong, and end up loving that person. honestly, that's how a lot of my best friendships have started. 

but trying really hard to to see the good in someone, only to find out they just suck all around, is a lot stranger. 

flashing your money around to everyone you meet, talking about it endlessly, is such a turn off. good for you, you have money. that's nice. let's talk about something else now. and trying to get people to like you because you have money? now that's just sad.

i've tried to sit down and have conversations with her, but the 2, and only 2 things she ever talks about is "how much money she has, how big her house is, how many vacation houses she's going to buy eventually, the pink corvette she is going to drive soon, all the businesses her family owns, etc" and... my ex-boyfriend. sick.

not to mention the lying. telling one off the wall story, and then later tell a completely different story. did your hair get caught on fire and you had to cut off 16 inches, or did you just cut it 5 inches because you were bored and regretted it? did your grandfather have a heart-attack, or did some old man you're not even related to or have even mets heart monitor turn off? the lies never personally affected me, but they did make her soul stink to high heaven. pee-yew.

quite honestly it shed some light on my ex, too.

he either is completely selfish, and is hanging around with her just to reap the benefits of her "never ending wealth", or he really is the womanizer i always knew he was and is just having his fun drawing her, playing with her, fucking with her head, and then eventually throwing her out to build his ego, or he is just so dumb he thinks she's a interesting and cool person. none of those are good.

i'm so glad i'm not a lifeless robot.

END VENT.

alone

i finally realized, i'm pretty much the only person on this earth that will ever fully understand me.

so maybe i should stop hating myself so much.

spent friday night alone, figured out some things.

been alone so far, since.

i don't hate it as much as i try to convince myself i do, or should. 

my filthy habits are the only things that are getting to me, that and the fact that i don't see myself the way others do, which is what is leading me down my path of self destruction. hopefully i'll get over that soon. it's about time.

other than that, i can finally stand being alone by myself. which is a weird, weird feeling.

it's been raining, for so long. my sunflowers are like a new pet to me. and they need the sun. one of them is on their way out. it makes me sad. i just want to save it. 

i'm really frustrated lately.

too annoyed to even write.